+-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | ELSEWORLDS OF I.S.M | | WRITTEN BY: JANELLE THOMPSON | | CHARACTERS CREATED BY: RUMIKO TAKAHASHI | +------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ ===================================================================== AKANE TENDO VS. KODACHI: ROUND II ===================================================================== AUTHOR'S NOTE AKANE MAY NOT BE MENTIONED AS AKANE, BUT ONLY WHEN SHE'S NOT AKAIDO. ===================================================================== [Scene: Night before the big gymnastic thing; Akaido and company are lying on the floor staring at the ceiling] Akaido: (turns to Kosaime {right})How long do we have to wait? Kosaime: (shrugs) I really don't know how about you, Lin-chan? (turns to the right facing Ai-Lin) Ai-Lin: How should I know. (turns to Kosaime) [The three look up again, to find Kodachi on the ceiling.] Akaido: What took you so long, 'Wilted Rose'? Kodachi: That's 'Black Rose', to you, Missy. (jumps towards the floor beginning her attack.) Very unfair of you to gather in threes. Ai-Lin: I see *DUCK!* that you *DODGE!* have no *FLIP!* Kosaime: ...problem... Akaido: (pulls out a large mallet) *WHACK!* With us. (to Kosaime, watching Kodachi pant) Think she's tired out. Kodachi: NEVER!! *POW!* *WHACK!* DODGE!* *TWIRL!* (ribbon) *SNIFF?!* *SNIFF?!* [Kodachi leaves leaving a trail of black rose petals.] Akaido: (yelling after Kodachi) Grow up!! The roses are getting old!! (thinking) She didn't use too much effort. Kosaime: Who's going to clean up this mess? [Akaido and Ai-Lin glare at Kosaime; Kosaime looks back; Akaido and Ai-Lin pull out a broom and dust pan out of nowhere and hand it to Kosaime and hop into bed before Kosaime can say anything.] [Yep, time for the fight. Everyone who is anyone is in the bleachers; in the front rows of one side is the St. Hebereke team, on the other three lone figures looking for the rest of the team; the team captain rolls in the side entrance in a full body cast; the rest of the team follows with bandages and casts in full sight; Akaido and company's eyes narrow at the sight.] Speaker: Will the two opponents line up in opposite lines facing each other. (Akane {Akaido}, Ai-Lin, and Kosaime are facing about two dozen people.) Is that the _whole_ Furinkan High team? Akaido: I guess so. The rest of the team is unable to attend since... Kodachi: Enough!! Let us begin! Speaker: Okay. (someone passes him a note, and he nods) Since there is an obvious lack of Furinkan students... Student (Hebereke): They forfeit!! Crowd: *YEAH!* *BOO!!* Speaker: As I was saying... there will be a three round duel. Three Heberekes vs. the three Furinkans. We'll give you 10 minutes to decide. Will the teams please exit to their locker rooms. (thinking) Geez, and I have to put up with all of this crap on my first job!! [The teams exit: Furinkan left, Hebereke right, to discuss; Ranma and Ukyou are in the stands also discussing.] Ranma: If Akane was around to see this... Ukyou: She'd probably need you to take her place. I have a feeling these three are real amateurs. Ranma: Why? Ukyou: Look at them. Do they look like martial artists to you? Ranma: Does Akane? Ukyou: ...urk... Speaker: It seems that Hebereke is finished. Would the Furinkan _team_ please return to their line. (closely watches three Hebereke students enter; one is very familiar; he is once again passed a note, but by the Hebereke coach.) The Hebereke contestants are: Kodachi 'Black Rose' Kunou, Tan-ling Wang, and Shima Yankatsu vs. the Furinkan triplets!! [Crowd roars.] Speaker: First pair- Yangkatsu vs. Sazukima. [The Furinkans looked puzzled] Akaido, Ai-Lin, and Kosaime: Which one? Speaker: Waitasec... Ah hah! Here it is! Kosaime Sazukima! Would the two combatants enter center stage. Referee: You two should know the rules... No outside help, no special moves, and the first one down loses. Simple enough? Shima and Kosaime: Hai. [The referee stands between them as they shake hands; they each take a step back from the referee signals the other combatants to sit at the lower rows; Akane and Ai-Lin sit back to watch the fun; the two combatants choose their weapons, both choosing ribbons; and face each other in fighting stance waiting for the referee to give the signal... *TWEET!!* Shima goes all out force on Kosaime and Kosaime simply dodges; and finally she starts her attack.] Kosaime: I can beat you in one blow... [Kosaime jumps high into the air where Shima's ribbon cannot reach, then she bolts downward, ribbon in the form of a sword and when it reaches Shima... it wraps around her throat choking her.] Kosaime: Go unconscious all ready... [Shima falls of lack of breath, Kosaime releases her grip and stands to over view the gym; Everyone's in shock, they simply stare until Akane breaks the ice.] Akaido: Yeah!! Furinkan won!! Speaker: (whispers to the guy passing all the notes) Was that legal? [Crowd ponders for a minute, shrug and cheer; Kosaime bows and watch paramedics drag Shima away; Kosaime waves a cheeky wave to Shima; Kosaime, Ai-Lin, and Akane wave the same way to the Hebereke reps.] Speaker: Furinkan wins the first round!! Crowd: Horrah!! Ranma: (to Ukyou) Not martial artists, huh? Ukyou: (toothy grin) ... Speaker: Duel Number two!! Wang vs. Sazukima!! Ai-Lin, Akaido, and Kosaime: Which one?! Speaker: (face fault) ANYONE!! Akaido: Ai-Lin, you go. Kodachi's mine... (eyes narrow) Ai-Lin: Hey, I could care less. These twerps are nothing... Kosaime: (joining them) ... no way they can win. Speaker: Which one will it be? Ai-Lin: Me!! Ai-Lin Sazukima. Speaker: Center stage ladies... (thinking) Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this? Was I that bad when I was a kid?! [Ai-Lin and Tan-Ling get center stage; Referee briefs them; they shake hands; they both get ribbons once again and go into fighting stance.] Ai-Lin: Gotta finish this fast. I want to watch Akaido kick Kodachi's butt. Tan-Ling: Furinkan won once by a fluke, this time there's no way you can win. Ai-Lin: Oh shut up!! (wraps her ribbon around Tan-Ling's mouth; Pulls Tan-Ling towards her and does a fatality type uppercut with one of her gymnastic type pins and Tan-Ling goes flying) You were saying?! (shouts after the airborne girl) Akaido: (jumps up and yells) We won again!! (sticks her tongue out to the Heberekes) Kosaime: (yells) You guys don't have a chance... Ai-Lin: (yells) ... because cheaters can never fight the honorable!! Kodachi: Cheaters?! We never cheat!! [Everyone face faults] Tan-Ling: (after landing) We just even the odds... *FLOP!* Speaker: Someone get a medic!! [Ukyou and Ranma] Ranma: They're good. Ukyou: Think we'll win the next round. Ranma: (shrugs) I'm be damned if I know. Speaker: Last pair!! The Hebereke champion, Kodachi Kunou vs. Akaido Sazukima!! Crowd: *ROAR!* Akaido: I needed someone to help me last time, but this time... Ai-Lin: Go on!! Kosaime: Make us proud!! (pushes Akane center stage to meet the Referee and Kodachi) Kodachi: I'm not easily bested, I warn you. Akaido: With or without cheating? Referee: Save it. I don't have to repeat the rules... Akaido: ... to me. I don't know if she (points to Kodachi) will ever remember them. Kodachi: (turning red) Grr... *DING! DING! DING!* Kodachi: Now you die!! (bolts at Akane with her ribbon; Akane grabs it and throws Kodachi backwards) you're the second person to ever catch my ribbon... Akaido: ... and I won't be the last. (pulls out her ribbon and snags Kodachi's ribbon and disarms the 'unstable bomb' and starts to spin Kodachi in the air; Kodachi however expected this and pulls out another ribbon) Hey!! No outside weapons!! Kodachi: (snags Akane's leg and trips her/pins her to the mat) It wasn't outside the ring when I got it!! Akaido: (thinks fast) Isn't that Ranma Saotome? Kodachi: (distracted) Where? Ranma-darling? Akaido: See ya!! (throws Kodachi off, and out of the ring) *DING! DING! DING!* Speaker: The fastest tournament ever and Furinkan wins!! Crowd: *ROAR!* Ranma: I wonder what she said to Kodachi... Ukyou: Who knows? [Scene: The Sazukima's stand in front of the judges table receiving one medal each and a trophy.] Crowd: *ROAR!* Kodachi: Grr... [At the Sazukima's... in the 'triplets' bedroom...] Akane: WAHHH!!!! I won, and I can't tell her it was me!! Kosaime: Sorry, Sis, but that's the way life goes... Ai-Lin: Can it really be that bad? Akane: *SOB!* Hai, Kodachi kicked my ass last time and now that I've kicked hers, I can't tell her!! *SOB!* Kosaime: Sure you can... Akane: Horrah!! Ai-Lin: ...but you'll have to expose yourself to everyone, including your dad... Akane: *SOB!* Kosaime: We never said being _re born_ would be perfect. Ai-Lin: We're really sorry, but now we have to get the rest of your life settled. Akane: Huh? *SOB!* Ai-Lin: Operation: Akane + ?= Great Romance!! Kosaime: Ohhh.... the fun part!! Akane: Heh?! -----End of Part One----- [Scene: Tendo dojo; Ranma is on his futon staring at the ceiling] Ranma: (thinking) Hmm... I wonder what Akane's doing. Why's I start to think of her all of a sudden? What else is there to think about? Where is Akane anyway? she runs off not telling a single soul where she's going. Hmph. What now? [Door opens; a shadowy figure appears] Ryouga: Where's Akane, Saotome? Ranma: I don't know. Ryouga: You lie!! (He does a frontal attack; Ranma just dodges) Ranma: If I knew *DODGE!* I wouldn't *FLIP!* tell you *DUCK!* anyway. Ryouga: What do you mean you don't know where she is? She's your fiancee!! Ranma: And don't you forget it!! *WHAM!* (bye-bye Ryouga) [Sazukima's place; Akane, Ai-Lin and Kosaime sit around their circular table with three pieces of paper on the table; each one has a name written on them] Akane: Heh?! Ai-Lin: These three pieces of paper have the names of your... *COUGH!* suitors... Kosaime: There's one for Ranma, Kunou... Akane: Why Kunou? Kosaime: You never know... Akane: No way!! (takes the paper with Kunou on it and crumples it and throws it away) Ai-Lin: The last one is for Ryouga. Akane: Ryouga? Kosaime: Hai, Ryouga. You did mention you thought he was cute... Akane: But... Ai-Lin: No 'but's about it, Missy. Now for the next week you have with us, you only concentrate on these two people. Kosaime: Gather all feelings, etc. etc... and make your choice. Akane: Easy for you to say!! Ai-Lin: Ahh... so there is conflict between the two... Akane: I didn't say that... Kosaime: Then it can't be that hard! Akane, listen up. You have to settle this some way. Akane: (gets up and starts putting on her Akaido uniform) Well... I think I'm going to take a walk... Ai-Lin: (grabs Akane's arm on her way out) you can't run from it Akane. Better to solve it now. (lets go) Kosaime: Aka... (Ai-Lin stops Kosaime; Kosaime nods) Oh, all right. Be back in time for dinner!! [Down the streets of Nerima, Akane wonders about, well... you know, and is completely baffled; Then Akane stops in the park, and sits on a bench under a tree; it starts to rain; a familiar little black figure appears; and as he comes better into sight, we see a yellow and black bandanna...] Akaido: Can it be? P-Chan!! P-Chan: Bwee? (thinking) Who in the world is this?! Akaido: Shh... piggy... (goes down in front of P-Chan; signals for P-Chan to come to her; P-Chan seems very cautious) It's me, Akane. P-Chan: Bwee?! Akaido: (looks around cautiously and sees no one; she takes of her wig) You see. It's me. P-Chan: BWEEE!! (jumps into Akane's arms) Akane: (ducks under a tree to put her wig back on) You see, P-Chan, I didn't really go on that training trip. P-Chan: (thinking) No duh. Akaido: Instead, (picks up P-Chan and sits herself back on the bench) I sort of stayed at a friend's house... [We see Akane's lips moving; she's telling her piggy everything; P-Chan is trying to keep up and his eyes are wide open; the clouds start to clear; Akane gets up and starts to walk back to the Sazukima's.] Akaido: ... now, Kosaime and Ai-Lin are trying to settle my love life. P-Chan: (face fault) Akaido: (still walking) They think they can make me choose between two people. Well, it's not easy. P-Chan: Bwee... (looks like he's on the verge of fainting) Akaido: You know what's even worse? They want me to choose between Ranma and... P-Chan: BWEE!! Akaido: Oh we're here. (turns in the Sazukima entrance) Wait, let me finish. They want me to choose between Ranma and... Ai-Lin: (opens the door before Akane can get to it) So, how was you walk? Kosaime: (voice-over) Is that her? Did she choose between Ranma and Ryouga yet? P-Chan: (eyes narrow, change to eyes going skyward) (thinking) Please let her choose me... Akaido: (comes in; sits down in the living room where dinner's being served) No... (P-Chan: Damn.) but I did find my pet piglet. (lifts up P-Chan) Meet P-Chan. Ai-Lin: (takes one of P-Chan's hooves and shakes it) Nice to meet you, P-Chan. Hungry? Kosaime: He's so cute. Want some milk? P-Chan: (nods) Bwee. Akaido: (slips off her wig) What's for dinner? Kosaime: Beef... miso soup... fish cakes... rice... and ramen. (lays large serving dishes on the central table) I just took anything in the fridge. We have to get some groceries tomorrow. [Furinkan, Akane (Akaido), Kosaime, Ai-Lin are sitting in the cafeteria talking about Akane ] Ai-Lin: I think you should pick Ryouga. Akaido: Shhhh!! Not so loud! Kosaime: I think she's right. He has a lot... Ai-Lin: ...less faults then your *cough!* fiancee... Akaido: Don't remind me... Hiroshi: (appears out of nowhere causing the three girls to shut up real fast and put on false smiles) Hello, Lovely Ladies!! And how are you this fine day? Akaido: (thinking) Lame, lame, lame... Ai-Lin: Fine, thanks. Where's Ranma? (Akane shudders, Kosaime slaps her on the back) Hiroshi: (sits himself down beside Ai-Lin) What's with her? Kosaime: Uh... Akaido: ... Ai-Lin: (thinks quickly) She's... uh... shy! (thinking) Stupid, stupid, stupid. Hiroshi: Around me? I'm flattered! (Akane's eyes narrow, daggers toward Ai-Lin, who shrugs) Hiroshi: (gets up and squeezes in between Akane and Kosaime, and puts his arm around Akane who is frozen in a face fault) No need to be shy! I'm harmless!! *DING!* Akaido: (pushing away Hiroshi's arm) Well... there's the bell, see ya... (runs out of the cafeteria) Ai-Lin: I have to catch up with Akan... I mean Akaido. (thinking) Phew. Hiroshi: Hope to see you soon. Kosaime: *SIGH!* (catches up with Ai-lin and says...) It's fun to watch you guys squirm. Oof!* (AI-Lin has gabbed her elbow into Kosaime's stomach) Ai-Lin: I hope she's not _too_ mad... [Back at the Sazukima home...] Akane: HOW COULD YOU EMBARRASS ME LIKE THAT?!! Ai-Lin: Think about the alternative, Akane. Akane... put down that chain saw... Kosaime: (intrudes, snatches the 'out of the blue' chain saw) Don't worry about Hiroshi, he's not a priority. Akane: I know... but... Ai-Lin: I'm sorry 'Akaido' has to go the rest of the school year with Hiroshi... *Ding Ding!* [The doorbell, Akane slips on her wig, and Kosaime opens the door...] Hiroshi: Hello, Lovely Ladies. Akaido: Oh my God... (slips away) Hiroshi: Wait up!! (skips a long following, a bouquet of flowers is visible) No reason to be shy... Ai-Lin: (snatches his arm before he gets to close to catching Akane) Hiroshi, buddy, she was (thinks fast) mortified the last time she saw you... Kosaime: Yeah, she was so _intrigued_ by your charm... (stifles a laugh) Ai-Lin: Yeah, not she can't bear to be faced with your _handsome_ face. She's just shy, I guess. (avoiding laughter) Hiroshi: I guess your right. Here. (passes the flowers to Kosaime) You can't waste good flowers. Might as well give them to a woman just as beautiful. Kosaime: (false flattered look) Ahhh... you shouldn't have... (bats her eyes) Hiroshi: I'll be seeing ya. (bows and exits, Kosaime follows him to the door and watches him turn the corner and closes the door behind him) Kosaime: AKANE!! HE'S GONE!! Akane: *Phew!* [Tendo dojo, the next afternoon; Hiroshi is attempting to help Ranma with his math homework, Ranma is writing on a piece of paper and a drop of sweat of sweat forms on his head, he passes the paper to Hiroshi, Hiroshi shakes his head, Ranma tries again] Hiroshi: You're hopeless Ranma!! You're nothing like me... why do I insist on hanging out with you? Ranma: 'cause I get the girls you like? Hiroshi: (leans back in his chair) That's what you think, Buddy! I'd like you to know Akaido Sazukima has the hots for me!! (gets a lil' loud) Ranma: What?! The red head? Hiroshi: Yeah... she's so in love with me she can't bear to be in my princely presence... Ranma: (rolls his eyes) Yeah, right. Hiroshi: I'll prove it!! I'll meet you in the cafeteria at lunch. You and I have a lunch date with the triplets! (exits) Ranma: (leans back in his chair) That'll be the dayyy... (falls backwards) [Sazukima home; almost bedtime; Akane is already settling into her bed; Ai-Lin's reading; Kosaime's preparing for a bath.] Akane: Anyone see P-Chan? Ai-Lin: Not in this neck of the woods. Kosaime: Akane, have you thought of the present dilemma? Akane: Oh yeah... Ai-Lin: I vote Ryouga! Kosaime: Ditto. Akane: I dunno... Ai-Lin: Sleep on it, Sis. It'll seem easier in the morning. Akane: Yeah, right. Kosaime: You better choose fast, you only have 2 or 3 more days left. Akane: I can ask for more... Ai-Lin: Don't run too fast. Akane: What's that supposed to mean?! Kosaime: You're running away from the problem, and picking up speed a long the way. Anyway, I'm off to bath. See ya, Sis... and Sis.(?) [Kosaime exits and heads for the bathroom she sees P-Chan enter the bathroom, she runs after him, P-Chan jumps into the bath...] Kosaime: My God!! Ryouga!! Ryouga: I can explain... Kosaime: You... you used to sleep with Akane every night?! Ryouga: (dopey face) Yeah... Kosaime: You heard when we talking about Akane choosing between... Ryouga: Well, sort of... (starts to go red) Kosaime: (peeks into the tub) Now I _really_ think she should pick you... (Nabiki smile) Ryouga: (deep red) ... Kosaime: Don't worry. I think you two make a way better couple than her and Saotome. Ryouga: (cracks his knuckles) Me too... Kosaime: Calm down. Oh yeah. Akane's looking for P-Chan. (moves into Ryouga's face and starts to pinch his cheek) It's beddy-by time. (baby voice) Ryouga: (gets up and takes the portable shower head) See ya... What?! (looks at Kosaime shake her head) Kosaime: If you weren't going to go for Akane... (stares below the belt...) Ryouga: Shut up!! Not a chance!! *SPLASH!* Kosaime: Damn. Oh well. There's always Hiroshi... -----End of Part Two---- [Tendo dojo, dinner time!!; Ranma and Genma-panda are chowing down; Soun is reading the paper; Nabiki counting money; Kasumi quietly eating.] Kasumi: How do you think Akane's doing, Dad? Soun: Oh. She called about 10 minutes ago. She sounded a bit distressed... (tears fill his eyes) Saotome, we should have never separated them... Genma: (sign) Don't pull me into this, it was all your fault! Soun: WAHHHH!!! Ranma: Nice going, Pop. [Next day, lunch time at Furinkan high; Hiroshi and a bored Ranma approach the Sazukima's] Hiroshi: Hello, Lovely Ladies!! Akaido: *groan!* Hiroshi: (sits down next to Akane) And how are you today? (puts his arm around her, winks at Ranma who sits down next to Ai-Lin) Akaido: ... ... (having a little trouble speaking because she is fully mortified of having a guy she does _not_ like have his arm around her) I'm fine... (grits her teeth and glances at Ai-Lin who shrugs) Ranma: No way... (quietly you himself) Hiroshi getting a girl by himself? This can't be happening. Kosaime: (quietly) It isn't. Ranma: Huh? Kosaime: Oh! Nothing... (false smile) Hiroshi: How would you ladies like to go have some Chinese after school? Ai-Lin: We'd love to... Akaido: (slaps hand over Ai-Lin's mouth) ...but we can't. We have to go _now_. Come on sisters. (stands up, making Hiroshi and his arm loose balance and he falls back, Ranma laughs; Akane pulls Kosaime out of her chair and drags Ai-Lin and Kosaime to a tiny corner) This Hiroshi thing has to stop now! Ai-Lin: We know, but what do you tell a guy who thinks your in love with him? Akaido: He thinks I'm what?! Kosaime: Ai-Lin, this is going to get ugly. Before we make a scene let's get home. [Akane's steaming, Ai-Lin's rushing ahead, Kosaime sighs, Hiroshi is scraping himself off the floor, Ranma is in a laughing fit, and Ukyou walks up to Ranma.] Ukyou: What's so funny? Ranma: Hiroshi thought a girl _liked_ him!!!!!!! *LAUGH!* *LAUGH!* [Sazukima residents, Akane is holding Ai-Lin by the collar about to fling her into space, Kosaime is consistently trying to stop her.] Kosaime: Come on Akane, be reasonable. Who's going to help you get Ryouga if you kill Ai-Lin? Akane: I never said... Ai-Lin: And who's going to be the one who holds your veil so it doesn't drag on the floor? Akane: I can find someone... Ai-Lin: Come on... Put me down... We're sisters... Akane: (softens) Okay, I won't... hurt you too much!!! *POW!* [Ai-Lin rams into the nearest wall and Kosaime is seeing to her wounds.] Kosaime: I'm proud you could control yourself, Akane. Akane: (sarcastically) Oops... [Night time; everyone's asleep except Kosaime who's sitting on the roof with tea at hand; a lone figure appear in the shadows... it's... Ryouga?!] Kosaime: Where have you been? Ryouga: Has she... Kosaime: It's in your favor. Where have you been? Did you get lost again? Ryouga: How did you know... Kosaime: Akane. What were you doing? Ryouga: (pulls out a little velvet box) I got this. (opens it to reveal a small gold band with diamonds forming a small heart) Kosaime: (pulls it out) Aww... you shouldn't have... Ryouga: (snatches it back) It's obviously not for _you_. I'm waiting for Akane to say she... well, you know. (dopey face) Kosaime: Until she chooses you. Boy, do you know timing. She has to go back home on Sunday, and in about 2 hours it'll be Saturday. If you were lost for much longer, you would have missed it. Ryouga: Missed what? Kosaime: I am going to get Akane to say she will choose you before sun rise Sunday morning. Ryouga: Are you sure you can? Kosaime: You stick with me. For two reasons: one, I'm going to help you; two, I don't want you geting lost. And avoid cold water, will you? (starts to come off the roof, Ryouga following) Ryouga: Hai, _Mother_. Kosaime: Oneechan will do. [Next day; Sazukima home; Breakfast; Ryouga is present; Akane is Akaido; Breakfast is eaten and they decide what they're going to do for the day.] Kosaime: So... what do you want to do today? Ai-Lin: Solve a problem. (glares at Akane, who narrows her eyes) Akaido: Hmph. I can take care of it... Kosaime: Yeah, sure. (turns to Ryouga) So, _Stranger_, you want to hang around for a while? (Akane is wildly gesturing 'no') Ai-Lin: Yeah sure. You might help us with our problem... [Akane gets up and goes to her room; Ai-Lin follows.] Kosaime: Ai-Lin's going to ruin it, Ryouga. You have to do something. Ryouga: Like what? {Kosaime glares; Ryouga shakes his head; Kosaime nods; Ryouga shakes his head and his hands gesturing 'no'; Kosaime's gesturing 'yes'; Ryouga gives up.] Ryouga: Oh, all right. But, telling her about the curse comes later, okay? Kosaime: Sure... Little Brother. [Ryouga face faults] [Back to Akane and Ai-Lin.] Ai-Lin: What was that all about? Akaido: (slips off wig) If he's here, _the choice_ will be made a lot harder. Ai-Lin: Why's that? (talks in a 'joke'-like tone) Afraid of being biast? (Akane glares) Oh... but, the choice was leaning towards him anyway, (Akane glares, Ai-Lin fakes a smile and continues) plus if you do or do not choose him, it's better that he doesn't get lost first!! (Akane hesitates, nods _really_ slowly, Ai-Lin smiles for real) *phew!* [Kosaime walks in, Ryouga's waiting in the hall, Kosaime goes in and closes the door behind her, Ryouga pulls out a glass from nowhere and puts it to the door.] Kosaime: So, Sis... What's up? Ai-Lin: Well... it seems Akane's afraid she might act biast about her 'choice'. Kosaime: What's wrong with that? Anyway, he's here, Ranma isn't. (thinks for a minute remembering Ryouga's at the door waiting for results) If Ranma really loved you he'd be running around and all frantic because you left. He would miss you. Akane: (remembers the Nekohantan) I guess... Kosaime: Plus, he would have proposed on his own instead of his parents. Tell me the truth, has he ever even asked for a date? By choice? Akane: Well... no... Kosaime: So it's settled! Ai-Lin: Ryouga. (Starts to run for the door) Akane: Wait. (full stop) he doesn't know that I'm... me. Kosaime: That can be easily resolved. (goes to the door, Ryouga's still there, she whispers) Act surprised. (flings the door open) Ryouga: I got lost... (acting surprised) AKANE?! What on earth...? Akane: I can explain... Kosaime: (grabs Ai-Lin's arm) We'll be going now... Bye!! (pulls herself and Ai-Lin out of the door and shuts it behind them) Akane: (looking at the ceiling tweedling her thumbs) Uh... Hi. Ryouga: (still playing a long, and actually suceeding in attempt at speech) Where have you been? I was looking everywhere for you! Akane: Here... Waitasec... you were looking for me? (looks at Ryouga with a little sparkle in her eye) Ryouga: (goes speechless) uh... (dopey face, regains speech) Yeah... Akane: (thinks out loud) How sweet... (notices what she just said and goes red) Oops. Ryouga: (dreamily) Sweet... really? (goes just red) Akane: Ryouga... I... Ryouga: (even dreamilier {if it's possible}) Akane... (he takes Akane’s hand) [Next day; Sazukima home; Ryouga is helping Akane pack; They are about 2/3 finished; Kosaime and Ai-Lin enter] Ai-Lin and Kosaime: WHAT A CUTE COUPLE!! [Akane and Ryouga go red.] Ai-Lin: Uh-oh. Kosaime: What?! Ai-Lin: Realization hit. What is Akane going to tell her dad? Akane: Simple. I'll just demonstrate the new technics that you guys... Ai-Lin: No, about your... (glances at Ryouga) *cough!* (quietly) _new_ fiancee. [Everyone face faults] -----End of Part Three----- Kosaime: There isn't time to make up a bizarre story, like passion spice or something. We have to tell the truth. Akane: What's all this we stuff?! I'm the one who's confronting my dad!! Ai-Lin: We'll be there. We're your sisters remember? [Akane and Ryouga have finished packing her hiking back pack and exiting, _holding hands_.} Kosaime: Don't get lost, ya hear!! Ai-Lin: Come and visit! Akane: I thought you were coming... (looks like she's going to cry) Kosaime: We have to settle your school account and stuff. We'll be there in an hour or two. Akane: Okay... Ryouga: Come on, Akane. I promise we'll visit. (tugs her arm a little) Akane: All right. (snuggles under his arm making him go red) I'll lead. (they walk away) [In front of the Tendo dojo; Akane and Ryouga look on; they nod to each other; grip each others hands; and Akane rings the bell; Kasumi answers.] Kasumi: AKANE!! Welcome home!! (hugs Akane) Oh! You found Ryouga!! Akane: (giggles) Yep. I found him all right. (winks at Ryouga who scratches the back f his head and puts on a dopey smile) [Dining room; Akane and Ryouga walk in; Soun is crying at Akane's feet; Ranma and Genma were fighting over the Tendo pond and Genma waves and makes them both fall in; everyone sits around the table; Ranma pours hot water over her/himself and Genma does the same.] Soun: (still crying, but now is in a groveling position next to Akane who is next to Ryouga {holding hands, hands are on the table and are visible}) My daughter has returned to us!!! Genma: Tendo, now we can unite our families... (Soun nods) Akane: Waitasec... Ranma: (finally noticing the hands) Waitasec... Ryouga: (watching Genma and Soun smiling brightly at Akane and Ranma) Waitasec... Akane, Ranma, and Ryouga: NO WAY!!! Akane: I'm not going to marry him!! (points at Ranma) Ryouga: She can't marry Ranma!! Ranma: What have you two been up to?!! Nabiki: BREAK IT UP PEOPLE!! [Silence.] Nabiki: Okay. Now let us settle this like rational human... (glances at Genma) people. Dad, Mr. Saotome, what do you want to say? Soun and Genma: WE SHALL UNITE OUR FAMILIES...!! Nabiki: Enough!! Now, Akane... your response? Akane: No way. Nabiki: Ranma, you said something? Ranma: I want _P-Chan_ to keep his hands off Akane!! (goes red) Oops. (Akane's eyes narrow) Ryouga: Not a chance!! (Ryouga makes matters worst by putting his arm around Akane and sticks his tongue out at Ranma) Ranma: Grr... Ryouga: Do you want to make something of it? (waves his free fist) Ranma: Yeah, why not... (grits his teeth) Nabiki: PEOPLE! PEOPLE! We can settle this as civil (looks at the red aura around Ryouga and Ranma) people. Soun: It was settled a long time ago!! Genma: Tendo and I made the agreement and our honor and the unity of our families are at stake!! Akane: And so's the rest of my life!! Ranma: You don't see me smiling.Why would I want to marry a kawaiikune... Ryouga: How about I rip your mouth off so you can never smile again... Ranma: Try and die. Akane: I can see you matured in my absence. [Ranma goes a little red; Ryouga and Akane sneak out and go upsatairs to Akane's room; Soun and Genma are dictating the lives of their offspring; Ranma starts to follow Ryouga and Akane; Ranma listens at the door.] Akane: The nerve of them. (flops on to her bed, Ryouga sits down next to her and plays with her hair) They treat me like a piece of meat. Ryouga: Why do you think of it that way? Ranma: (thinks) He can actually talk around her? Whoa... Akane: Why not? Ryouga: I hate to think my heart belongs to a piece of meat... (fades off) [Ranma winces] Akane: You get sweeter by the day... *kiss!* [Ranma face faults.] Ryouga: What now? Akane: I don't know. Ryouga: Let's evaluate the situation... Your pop and Mr. Saotome want you to get married to Ranma, Ranma want's to kill me... [Ranma nods.] Akane: (interupts) And I would rather date you. [Ranma cannot resist but bust in and say...] Ranma: WHAT?!! Akane: You were listening? Ranma: You were gone for two weeks and you hook up with one of the most useless guys I know!! Akane: Don't you dare insult my fiancee! [All three of them freeze in shock; Everyone heard, what I mean by 'everyone': the Tendos, Genma, the Kunous, Shampoo, Mousse, Cologne; they all freeze in shock.] Ranma: ... (grimace) Ryouga: ... (grin) Akane: ... (...) Kasumi: Oh my. Nabiki: Whoa. (thinking) Should have bet on something like this happening... Kunou: ... (thinking) What travesty is this? Kodachi: ... (thinking) Ranma darling=single. Ranma darling=single. Ranma darling=single... Soun and Genma: ... Shampoo: ... (thinking) 'Bout time Tomboy find a guy other than Ranma. Mousse: ... (thinking) No comment. Cologne: ... (thinking) Son-in-law will be a good husband to Shampoo. Genma: (breaks the silence; grabs Ryouga by the collar) What did you call my son? (shakes Ryouga in mid-air) Ryouga: (breaks free) *cough!* I didn't say anything... Soun: But Akane said... Akane: Ranma was making fun of Ryouga. Soun: (puts hand to Akane's forehead) The trip home must have gven you delirium. Ranma is your fiancee. Akane: No... he's what you want for a son. I (talking as if her father was a 5 year old) don't think of Ranma as my fiancee... Kunou: (interupts) Akane!! (runs towards her adn is intercepted by Ranma's fist and drops to the floor; Nabiki drags him out) Genma: IT DOESN'T MATTER!! Love will grow in time... Akane: It's been two years all ready!! Soun: After marriage everything will become clear... (grabs Ranma's hand and Akane's hand) Ranma: I won't marry and uncute tomboy. Ryouga: (*whack!* uses his umbrella and whacks Ranma) Well that's _my_ uncute tomboy! So back off! (holds Akane close) Akane: (snuggles) All of you!! Grow up!! [Ryouga and Akane breakthrough the crowd, which all occupants are in shock and head out of the door; the crowd begins to come back to reality, but it's too late; Akane and Ryouga are gone; they are on their way to the Sazukima's; Ai-Lin and Kosaime are about to close the door behind themselves.] Ai-Lin: What are you two doing back so soon? Ryouga: Don't ask. Kosaime: The news didn't bowl over to well, did it? Akane: Not at all. Ai-Lin: (flings open the door) Well, come on in, Siblings!! [Akane and Ryouga shrug and walk in; back at the Tendo dojo, people are finally realizing Akane and Ryouga left.] Genma: Tendo, we must find her. It's a moral imperitive. Soun: The future of our two families depends on it. Ranma: Where'd they go now? (thinking) That two bit loser!! Claiming Akane for his own. *hmph!* I'll pound him into the ground... Shampoo: Akane no here, so she not for Ranma. Ranma marry Shampoo. Ranma and Mousse: No, no, no,...!! (waving their hands madly) Kodachi: Ranma darling, seems that you'll be free for a while. How about dinner? Ranma: No way!! Ukyou: Now Ranma can marry me!! Ranma: Waitasec... Ukyou, Kodachi, and Shampoo: Ranma!! (pounce on Ranma) Ranma: HELP!! [At the Sazukima's... Akane is leaning on Ryouga's shoulder; Ai-Lin is pouring tea; Kosaimes's confused.] Kosaime: The only reason for the whole engagment thing was to have some male figure get on top of the dojo after your pop kicks the bucket, right? (Akane nods) So what's the problem? Just marry Ryouga!! (Akane blinks, so does Ryouga) [Kosaime jumps for Ryouga's bag before Ryouga can do anything, she goes rumaging; she pulls out a small box; passes it to Ryouga and winks.] Akane: What's in the box? Ryouga: (goes speechless) ... (Kosaime slaps on the back) Oof! What was that for?!! Kosaime: Ask her. Akane: Ask me what? Ai-Lin: (has caught on) Akane, you're so naive. Akane: Huh? Kosaime: ASK HER ALL READY!! Ryouga: ALL RIGHT!! AKANE WILL YOU MARRY ME?!! (shuts up, goes red) Akane: *ulp!* Ryouga... Ai-Lin: Kosaime, (Kosaime turns to Ai-Lin) let's beat it. (Kosaime nods) [In other parts of the room... Akane and Ryouga just stare at eah other for a while; both are speechless; Ryouga opens the box and is now on a bended knee ; Akane examines the ring then she whispers something into Ryouga's ear.] [Skip to the Tendo dojo; Nabiki and Kasumi have managed to kick everyone out, in a nice way of course, and they all sit around the table; Ranma is day dreaming.] Ranma: (thinking) Okay. No.#1: Akane left. No.#2: She came back _with Ryouga_. No.#3: She was holding hands and calling _Ryouga_ her _fiancee_. What the hell? Someone choosing Ryouga over me?! (stares at his hands) Have I lost it? My power over women? (remembers Kodachi, Ukyou, and Shampoo) No, that's not it. What went wrong? Genma: Ranma, she'll be back. Ranma: (reality check) I won't miss that uncute tomboy... *WHACK!* Soun: Don't talk about your fiancee like that Ranma. Nabiki: Face it, Dad. Akane has obviously called off the engagment. (Ranma winces) Ranma has been eliminated from any emotion she ever had. (Ranma winces) Akane doesn't want him, he's been given the hiddy-... Ranma: ALL RIGHT ALL READY!! Nabiki: Did I hit a nerve? Ranma: (eyes narrow) I didn't even want to get married in the first place... Nabiki: (interupts) In the first place... Ranma: SHUT UP, NABIKI!! *KNOCK! KNOCK!* Kasumi: I'll get it! (goes to get the door) AKANE!! RYOUGA!! You're back!! Everyone else: WHAT?! [Everyone is sitting around the table after making an agreement to shut up until Ryouga and Akane are finished _explaining_,Kosaime and Ai-Lin are there too.] Akane: Okay, now that we're all settled... Ai-Lin: Do we start from the beginning? Akane: They don't need to know that... Soun: Know what?! Ryouga and Akane: Nothing! Really! Kosaime: Lin-chan, we only have to explain those two. Ai-Lin: Ow. *groan!* Genma: We're waiting... Akane: Well... while I was on my _training trip_ I bumped into Ryouga. Ryouga: One thing led to another... Soun: But she's engaged!! Kosaime: But, it's not Ranma's ring that's on her finger... (grabs Akane's hand showing _the_ ring) [Everyone but the _explainers_ stares in shock; Akane and Ryouga exchange terrified glances; Kosaime and Ai-Lin smile big time.] Ranma: This can't be happening... Nabiki: I told you so Ranma. (Ranma winces, again) The truth hurts, doesn't it? (Ranma winces) Kosaime: Don't worry Ranma... (stands up and goes to pat Ranma on the back) My sister and I are the best matchmakers in town!! Ranma: Thanks anyway. (back into shock) This can't be happening... Ryouga: Face it Ranma, all those insults to Akane payed off. Now you're free of your burden... (sarcastic) Akane: So I'm a burden, eh Ranma? Ranma: I didn't say that... Ryouga: Yeah, she's just an uncute tomboy who you wouldn't think of marrying... Ranma: Ryouga, SHUT UP!! Akane: WELL... Ranma, you got your wish. You won't get to marry me, I'm marrying Ryouga. Everyone but the Sazukimas, Akane, and Ryouga: WHAT?! Ryouga: I hope you heard that loud and clear Ranma. (Ranma winces) Now I needn't try to break you and Akane up because you all ready set yourself up for heart break... (reality check, glares at Akane) Oops. Akane: You used to try and break me and Ranma... up? Ryouga: Well sort of... Ranma: ADMIT IT!! Akane: Ryouga... Ryouga: (fake smile) Please don't hate me... Ranma: Hate him, hate him, hate him... Akane: Hate you?! Why didn't you break us up sooner?!! Ranma and Ryouga: What?! Akane: Sure, he's kind of cute, (Ranma smiles) but he's usually a real jerk! (Ranma grimaces) Genma: (to Ranma) If she goes, we go. Ranma: What?! Genma: They'll no longer need us, son. They'll give us the boot. You have to beat Ryouga. And beat him now!! Ranma: (thinks for a sec) Okay. If that's the way you want it! Ryouga, I CHALLENGE YOU!! Ryouga: What?! Genma: The one who wins will get Akane. Akane: I would appreciate it if I wasn't referred to as a prize. Ryouga: (whispers in Akane's ear) But, you're worth fighting for. *kiss!* (Akane blushes and gives Ryouga a gentle slap) Akane: All I ask of you is to win. Ranma: In his dreams!! He'll get lost again during mid-fight!! Ryouga: Shut up!! [And so, the fight begins... Ryouga armed with umbrella, Ranma is empty handed; the usual fight sequence, except for the fact they keep fighting, and fighting, and fighting, until... they both are exhausted.] Ranma: Give *puff!* up, *huff!* Ryouga... you can *pant!* never win. Ryouga: *pant!* In your *huff!* dreams, Ranma... *puff!* You lost... Ranma: The fight *pant!* isn't over... Ryouga: Hai, it is... *huff!* Akane is *pant!* all ready mine, and always will be!! *puff!* Ranma: *moan!* [Both 'men' fall back in exhaustion and fall asleep; the two are put in Genma and Ranma's room; Akane is tending to Ryouga's wounds while Kasumi tends to Ranma's; the two wake up.] Ranma: What the...? Did I win yet? Nabiki: If you ask me, it was a tie. Ryouga: No way!! (opens his mouth to yell at Ranma) Ow... Kasumi: If no one won, why don't we let Akane choose. Akane: (points at Ryouga) Chosen. Ranma: Waitasec... Don't I have a say in this? Akane: Why should you? Ranma: I was your fiancee first. Ryouga: So?! Ranma: We haven't officially broken up yet. Ryouga: GET TO THE--Ow! ...point. Ranma: Therefore, she is not single. Akane: That I knew. (holds up her hand) Ranma: You are still bound by honor to marry me. Soun: He's absolutley right!! Akane: What?! No way... Ryouga: Forget it!! (hugs Akane) Akane: Look Ranma, you didn't want to be engaged, neither did I. Ranma: So, the break up's not official. Akane: You want official?! (gets louder) Do you call our engagment official? Soun and Genma: HAI!! Ryouga: Did Ranma give her a ring? Genma: Well no... Ryouga: Did he profess his love for Akane? Ranma: HAI I DID!! (reality check; goes red) Ryouga: Let me rephrase that! Did he tell Akane he loves her more times than he's called her an uncute tomboy?! [Everyone goes silent.] Ryouga: Hah! Caught ya! I win!! Akane: I get to marry Ryouga!! (hugs Ryouga who kisses her on the forehead; Akane helps Ryouga up and signal to Kosaime and Ai-Lin 'It's time to go...' and they help Ryouga get to Akane's room) [The three girls put Ryouga on Akane's bed; all of his wounds bandaged; Akane, Kosaime, and Ai-Lin just observe Ryouga.] Ryouga: What?! Kosaime: It's amazing. Ai-Lin: What is? Kosaime: We are all looking at the same person and thinking of different things. (thinking) I'm remembering the bathroom experiance. Akane: Oh, definitely. (grins)(thinking) The honeymoon... Ryouga: I wish you wouldn't stare so hard. Ai-Lin: If I were you and three handsome guys gawking me, I would feel flattered. Kosaime: Sis!! Only you would think of that!! Ai-Lin: Hey! It's the truth!! Kosaime: Thoughout all of this chaos, we all have forgotten one thing. Akane: And what's that, Old Wise One? Kosaime: The wedding date!! Akane and Ryouga: Kosaime!! Ai-Lin: Kos-chan, there really isn't any reason to rush things. Akane: My sentiment exactly. Ryouga: What?! Akane: (waving her hands madly) Oh! I didn't mean it that way!! Ryouga: Then what did you mean? Akane: ... Ryouga: Don't worry. No pressure. Akane: *phew!* Kosaime: We have to take care of them (gestures in the direction of Ranma's room) Ai-Lin: Yeah, we can't have a jealous x-boyfriend galavanting around after you two. Ryouga: Yep. Akane: How do we do that? Kosaime: There is only one way I can think of... Ai-Lin: There has to be an alternative... Akane: You're not thinking what I think your thinking... [The _real_ Sazukimas nod; Akane nods slowly; Ryouga sits dumbfounded.] Ryouga: What?! Kosaime: Time for a new identity, Ryouga. Ryouga: Like... (points to Akane; they nod) Ai-Lin: While Akane's playing Akaido, you get to play her fiancee... what's a good name? Ryouga: Try Ryouga Hibiki. Kosaime: That won't do, _P-Chan_. (Ryouga winces) Akane: Why does everyone keep calling him P-Chan? [Kosaime and Ryouga face fault; Kosaime nods to Ryouga; Ryouga shakes his head; Kosaime hits him at the back of his head.] Ryouga: OW!! Kosaime: Tell her. Ryouga: Do I have to? Akane: Tell me what? Kosaime: It'll stand as a big time set back if you don't. Akane: Tell me what?! Kosaime: (pulls out a glass of cold water out of nowhere) Ryouga. (passes the glass of water to Ryouga; Ryouga pushes it away shaking his head; Kosaime nods; Ryouga shakes his head; Kosaime hits him at the back of his head) Ryouga: Stop that all ready!! (takes the glass) Akane, (turns to Akane) remember how I was seeking revenge on Ranma, right? (Akane nods) Well... I followed him all the way to China... Akane: No... another Jusenkyou? (Ryouga nods) Do I want to know what you change into? (thinking) Please don't let him turn into a girl... Ryouga: *ulp!* (turns to Kosaime) Well here goes nothing... Akane, promise not to hate me first. Akane: Why would I hate you? Kosaime: You'll find out soon enough. Ryouga: Promise, Akane. Akane: Okay, I promise. But, I still don't get why I'lll hate you... *SPLASH!* Akane: AHH!!! [Unknowing to the group Ranma's been at the door listening in; he busts in again; notices P-Chan and laughs.] Ranma: So you finally told her! HAHAHAHAH!! Akane: Aww... cute in both forms... (picks up P-Chan and puts him on her lap) Ranma: What?! A guy who's been sneaking into bed with you reveals himself, and you're going 'coo-chi-coo-chi-coo'? Ai-Lin: Ranma, can I talk with you for a minute? Ranma: Sure, Kosaime. Ai-Lin: I'm Ai-Lin. Ranma: Whatever. After I kick his... (points at Ryouga) Ai-Lin: Come on!! [Ai-Lin drags Ranma to the roof, Ai-Lin sits and finds a comfortable spot, Ranma does the same.] Ranma: I don't know you, so make it quick. Ai-Lin: You don't have to know me. I know Akane like the back of my hand. Ranma: And the point of this is... Ai-Lin: Look, I know you hate to admit it, but you _do_ want to marry her. The reason that you aren't is because of your approach... Ranma: (interupts) Why are you telling me this? Ai-Lin: So then at least you and Akane could be friends. Ranma: What? She hates me? (stares into the sky, Ai-Lin pats him on the back) Ai-Lin: To put it nicely, she dislikes you. Ranma: Why? (Ai-Lin hits him on the back of his head; seems to knock sense into his head) Ow... oh. Ai-Lin: Have you ever tryed to be nice to her? Ranma: I've thanked her a few times... (false smile) Ai-Lin: Don't lie through your teeth. There were two reasons she left in the first place... Ranma: What do you mean left? Ai-Lin: Oops... I mean went on the _training_ trip. Anyway, she didn't want to be home. To put it in her words... and I quote... " It's just that, with a father who runs a martial arts dojo, being bugged by Kunou, and ... Ranma: What?! Ai-Lin: *ulp!* “...Being engaged to a guy who pretty much does the opposite of love you...” Ow... (Ranma just sits there, silent) I won't tell if you cry. I'll understand. (no response) Ranma... Ranma: ... (tries to put a manly front) Bye. (runs to go roof jumping) Ai-Lin: Ranma!! Wait!! [Ai-Lin then silently climbs down and goes inside. She is welcomed back in by Akane and Kosaime.] Kosaime: Where is he? Ai-Lin: Taking a reality check. I'm going home. See you guys later... (fades off) Kosaime: (grabs Ai-Lin's shoulder before she can leave) What happened? Ai-Lin: (shrugs Kosaime off) Nothing good. I'm going home. Alone. Akane: Are you sure you're all right? (Kosaime) Are you really going to let her go? Kosaime: Whatever happened, Ai-Lin can handle it. She justs gets really emotional. [Nerima streets; Ai-Lin feels guilty about the recent events and walks home.] Ai-Lin: (thinking) Stupid, stupid stupid. (shakes her head) Why'd I even have to tell Ranma why she left? (shakes her head again) I had to. He had to know. (she looks as if she's going to cry, but she tips her head back so tears won't come) Why am I so emotional? I have to face it. Ranma had to know. It may destroy him inside, but it had to be done... (stops right in front of her house) (thinks out loud) I'm sorry Ranma. Voice from behind her: It's okay. (puts a hand on her shoulder) [Ai-Lin turns around, and sure enough there's Ranma; his eyes are red; his eyes on his feet.] Ai-Lin: I was afraid you were going to kill yourself or something... Ranma: On the verge... Ai-Lin: This is my house. Come on in. [Ai-Lin takes Ranma in; they share some tea; Ai-Lin is too honest for her own good and has decided to tell Ranma the _whole_ story= from Akane to Akaido to Ryouga and Akane, maybe even about Hiroshi...] Ai-Lin: Ranma... I didn't tell you everything... Ranma: Please, tell me there isn't more... Ai-Lin: This isn't as painstaking... (thinking) Or is it? (to Ranma) Well... about that training trip... Ranma: She left because of me, I know... I know everything... Ai-Lin: Oh no you don't... Ranma: Why are you going to tell me all of this? Ai-Lin: Well... I think Akane was a bit biast now that I look at the situation... (thinking) Plus, I don't think it was fair to you for Kosaime and I to _help_ Akane out. We barely know you... it wasn't fair... Ranma: Biast about what? Ai-Lin: (hesitates) *ulp!* I'll get to that. Anyway... Akane didn't go to train... Ranma: That I knew... Ai-Lin: No! I mean that she didn't even leave Nerima! (thinking) Calm down, Lin-chan. Ranma: What. (he talks as if the last word tasted bad) Ai-Lin: She was here. Ranma: She goes away for two weeks, doesn't train, doesn't tell anyone where she's going, and on top of that she was less then ten minutes away?!! Ai-Lin: That's not all. Ranma: *gulp!* Ai-Lin: You don't know what she was doing here... Ranma: Do I want to know? Ai-Lin: Maybe not, but you should. Ranma, didn't you notice that there was only myself and Kosaime? Ranma: So? Ai-Lin: We're supposed to be triplets? Ranma: (remembering the Nekohantan with Hiroshi and the Sazukima's) Yeah, where's Akaido? Ai-Lin: The Akaido you know should be... (looks at her watch) arguing with her father to let her marry Ryouga. Ranma: You mean... Ai-Lin: Now, you choose to catch on fast... (sounds disgusted) Ranma: She... we... I... Hiroshi... Ai-Lin: Yep, yep, yep, and yep. Even at the gymnastics tornement. Ranma: (remembers the last rhythmic gynastics deal) But, but... Akane is the most clumsy person I know!! Ai-Lin: Well, as you saw, she changed. Ranma: Anything else? I mean, this is starting to get ridiculous!! Ai-Lin: I'm sorry, but if you didn't know all this stuff, wouldn't you want to know? Wouldn't you be mad that you didn't know? (Ranma hesitates, then nods) Ranma: Okay... go on. Ai-Lin: This is the part that might get you a lil' pissed... Ranma: Well... Ai-Lin: This about how the whole Ryouga thing came about. Akane came here because we invited her over to settle her... what's a good word?... Emotional irregularities. Love fell under that category... (Ranma winces at the sound of the word 'love') To make it easier for her, we put all possibilities on strips of paper and then let Akane choose... Ranma: What were the choices? Ai-Lin: Well, you, Ryouga, and... (hesitates) Kunou. (Ranma starts going red at the sound of 'Kunou') Ranma: Is this what she was biased about? (Ai-Lin nods) Ai-Lin: Ryouga, actually, P-Chan turned up... Then Ryouga came out of nowhere... Kosaime sort of forced him to admit his love to Akane, and Akane... Ranma: (eyes narrowed) ...fell for it. Ai-Lin: I wish I could soften the blow... but, if Akane even finds out I told you all of this... Ranma: Yeah, I know... Are you sure Akane loves him? Ai-Lin: I guess... (tries to attempt a joke) Either that, or she wants to make you jealous... (fake giggles; Ranma doesn't seem to take it as a joke and glares at Ai-Lin) Hey!! (waves her hands madly) I don't know that for a fact!! I was kidding!! Ranma: (rubs his chin) Jealous, huh? (glances at Ai-Lin) You know what they say... fight fire with fire... Ai-Lin: NONONONONONO!! I'm not going to have any part in this... Ranma: Please!! Ai-Lin: No, ask Ukyou, (Ranma shakes his head) Shampoo? (He shakes his head) Kodachi? (He shakes his head madly) *groan!* Me? (He nods) Why? Ranma: Because, (puts his arm around her) you're the only one I can trust! Ai-Lin: Why's that? Ranma: You've told me everything so far, right? Plus if I brought Ukyou, Shampoo, or Kodachi in, I'll be leading them on... (analyzes what he just said) Ai-Lin: (shrugs him off) That's not so bad because if you and Akane don't make up, you always have someone else... (false smile) What's so special about me anyway? Ranma: You're one of the closest people to her! Pleeeaaassseee!! (puppy dog eyes) Ai-Lin: (thinking) I'm too gullible. (to Ranma) All right, but if Akane hates me for the rest of my life, you'll pay. (glares at Ranma with daggers in her eyes) Ranma: (waving his hands madly) OKOKOK! Here's the plan... [At the Tendo dojo; there is still a war zone; Kosaime is door guard for Akane's room; Kosaime has all ready fought off Genma and Soun, and kindly pushed Kasumi away ; Ryouga and Akane conference in her room.] [Ryouga and Akane are sitting on her bed facing each other; the subject of the discussion is the wedding...] Akane: The biggest problem we have is the guest list. Ryouga: True. Very true. Akane: Invite my family-everything will go chaotic... Ryouga: Invite my family... Akane: We'll have to find them first. Ryouga: Skip the guest list for now. Akane: Do we actually have to talk about the wedding? Ryouga: This is stuff we need to know. Akane: I know, but do we have to rush it? Ryouga: I guess not... but there are other things that might delay it, without our help. Akane: I can think of three- Ranma, Kunou, and Gosunkugi. (thinking) And Hiroshi if he finds out who Akaido is. Ryouga: What now? Akane: (shrugs) I don't know. [Ryouga lies back and Akane lays her back on his chest; they just lie there until... a bokken breaks through the door.] Akane: Kunou. Ryouga: I can take him... (gets up) Ow. Kunou: What travesty is this? First Ranma stands between my love and myself, now you. No mind, I'll best you. I, Tatewaki Kunou, Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, do swear. Ryouga: Akane, would you mind if I kill him? Akane: Go ahead, just not in my room. Ryouga: Okay. (opens the window) [Kunou attacks; Ryouga throws; bye-bye Kunou, through the window.] Akane: Thanks for not breaking my window. Ryouga: Your welcome. Kosaime: (bursts in) Sorry, but I got hungry!! Are you guys okay? Akane: We're fine. Any word from Ai-Lin? Kosaime: Nope. Ryouga: Wonder what's up with her? [Everyone shrugs.] *RING!* *RING!* [The telephone; Kasumi goes to answer.] Kasumi: Akane!! It's for you!! [Akane, Ryouga, and Kosaime cautiously come downstairs to answer the phone.] Akane: Arigato, Oneechan. (Kasumi nods and goes to the kitchen) (Into the phone) Hello? Ai-Lin (Voice-over): Hi! Are you guys staying at our house tonight? Akane: I don't know. (to Ryouga) Do you want to sleep over at Ai-Lin and Kosaime's? Ryouga: Sure, why not? Akane: (to Ai-Lin) Yep. Is anything wrong? Ai-Lin (Voice-over): No... I'm just not going to be home when you get here. Akane: What do you mean you won't be there? Kosaime: She's leaving the house? Ai-Lin (Voice-over): I have to... think. Don't worry I'm fine. Akane: Whatever you say. Bye! *click!* *click!* [Sazukima home; Ai-Lin has just put down the phone; Ranma's standing behind her.] Ranma: They suspicious? Ai-Lin: Nope. This date is only for appearances sake, right? Ranma: Sure!! (thinking) Plus the fact I have a chance to flaunt being single for a while... [Ai-Lin and Ranma leave; Tendo home; Akane has just hung up the phone.] Kosaime: Where's she going? Akane: She says she has to think. Kosaime: About what? Akane: She didn't tell me. Kosaime: At least now she can get over whatever she told Ranma. Akane: Or, Ranma told her... [Everyone starts getting a little suspicious.] Ryouga: Ranma hasn't come back yet. Kosaime: How do you know that? Ryouga: I haven't been attacked by him yet. Akane: (thinking) What's going on with those two? Unless... NAH!!! *DRRRINNNGG!!* [Phone rings, Akane answers.] Akane: Hello? Girl: (voice over) Can I speak to Nabiki Tendo please? Akane: Hold on... (yells) NABIKI TELEPHONE!! [Nabiki runs downstairs and snatches the phone; she looks at Akane.] Nabiki: Do you people mind? Akane: Sorry... (sarcasticly) If you need me, I'll be at their house. (points at Kosaime) Bye. Nabiki: Toodles!! (to the person on the phone) Hello? Girl: Hey, Nabiki. You'll never guess who I saw at Ma Maison!! Nabiki: Who? Girl: Ranma. Nabiki: And...? Girl: He was with a girl!! and it wasn't Akane or Ukyou or that crazy Chinese girl!! Nabiki: (smiles, in her own devious way) Ya don' say... Tell me more... [At Ma Maison, Ranma and Ai-Lin are getting up to leave. Ranma puts his arm around Ai-Lin and tosses the check on the table.] Ai-Lin: *uh-hem!* Ranma: (whispers) For appearances sake, Ai-Lin. Just wave to the lovely waitress and smile. [They both do so, and walk out; on the way back to the Sazukima home... Scene: we see the block the Sazukima's home is, Ryouga, Akane, and Kosaime from one end, Ranma and Ai-Lin the other; Ranma has not moved his arm; Ranma attempts to tickle Ai-Lin, Ai-Lin blocks and tickles him; they both laugh; Ryouga's playing with Akane's hair; Akane pokes his stomach; they all reach the entrance; Kosaime taps Akane on the shoulder with one hand and points with the other.] Akane: Kosaime... what is it... (reality check) Oh. Ai-Lin: Uh-oh. Ranma: (whispers to Ai-Lin) Play it cool. Ai-Lin: (whispers back) I would remove my arm if I were you, and put on a really big smile. (Ranma removes his arm) [They both try to look innocent; Akane, Ryouga and Kosaime don't buy it.] Ranma: Hi Akane!! (smile goes really big) I was just... uh... Ai-Lin: (thinks quickly) I was walking around... bumped into him... and... (pauses) Ranma: I wanted to make sure she got home safely!! (Ai-Lin and Ranma hi-five) Akane: Sure... Ranma: Don't tell me you're jealous... (looks up at the sky, Akane goes red, Kosaime and Ai-Lin stifle laughter, Ryouga 'grr's) [Akane goes to hit Ranma, Ai-Lin catches her fist about 2 inches from his chin.] Ai-Lin: Violence is not necessary. Ranma: Unless she wants to hide the truth... [Akane tries to hit him again; Ai-Lin blocks.] Akane: Why do you keep blocking?! Ai-Lin: Think realistically, you should not be wanting to hit Ranma since you should be in love with Ryouga over there. (points at Ryouga who blushes and hi-fives with Ranma again) Akane: (analyzes the statment, backs away) You're right. (Ranma smirks, Akane glares) Come on Ryouga, let's go inside. (thinking) But, I still wanna hit him!! [Akane and Ryouga walk inside, Ranma and Ai-Lin wipe the sweat from their foreheads and Kosaime walks up to them.] Kosaime: Smooth thinking, you two. I just don't advise you (points to Ranma) to talk to Akane without the proper padding. (walks inside giggling) Ai-Lin: That was close... HOW DID YOU EVER TALK ME INTO THIS, RANMA?! Ranma: Aw... come on... you volunteered!! (Ai-Lin glares, Ranma smiles) Gotta go. (pecks her on the cheek) For appearances sake. (Ai-Lin goes to hit him, but he runs down the street, she runs after him to the corner turns back, and goes home) [Tendo dojo, the porch overlooking the pond. Ranma's sitting down and Nabiki is entering.] Ranma: (thinking) I like being single. (out loud) Oh, it's you Nabiki. Nabiki: Can my ears be decieving me? Are you cheating on my sister? (sits down next to him) Ranma: No. Nabiki: That's not true and you know it. You were out at Ma Maison with a girl, and I want to know who. Ranma: Why should I tell you? Nabiki: Because I can tell Daddy what I know so far and... (finger glides across her throat) Ranma: Okay! I was out with someone. But, it doesn't matter. I am officially single. Nabiki: Akane dumped you? (reality check) Oh yeah... But, you said yourself that the break up was not official!! Ranma: Nabiki, why do you care? Nabiki: (gets up) I don't want my sister to get hurt, and neither do you. (quick exit) Ranma: Hmm... [Split scene, Ai-Lin's lying on her bed, Ranma's still on the porch.] Ranma & Ai-Lin: (simultaniously, thinking) Hope Akane doesn't hate me for this... [Morning, Tendo dojo; Akane is in her room packing... Kosaime's helping, father's protesting, so's Genma... Ranma is no where to be found, Ryouga's capering around the room in joyous antics...] Soun: *Sob!* *Sob!* Akane, where are you going?! Akane: (sarcastically) Where do you think? Kosaime: Mr. Tendo, would you like to have my telephone number? Genma: You cannot leave your rightful fiancee! Akane: Yeah, so I won't leave _Ryouga!_ [Soun and Genma face-fault. Kasumi walks in.] Kasumi: I was making cookies and Ranma was nowhere to be found! Would you know where he is? Akane: Who _cares_ where that insensitive baka is? Ryouga: Yay! Whoopee! [Ryouga picks up Akane and starts dancing in a circle, humming the Ranma theme song.] Ryouga: (singing) Yappa pa, yappa pa... Akane: O.K, O.K, put me down, I have to finish packing, _dear._ [Ranma enters with lipstick on his cheek.] Ranma: (dreamily)What's up? [Everyone stares at Ranma. Akane's eyes narrow. Nabiki enters.] Nabiki: Where's the lipstick from... lover boy? [Everyone face faults except Ranma and Nabiki.] [Ranma looks in the mirror] Ranma: (false[?] smile, and blushes) Ah... I had... um... a craving to put lipstick on my cheek? Kosaime: (whispers to Akane)_Where_ did Ai-Lin go this morning? Akane: (whispers back, pissed) She _said_ for a jog... [Ryouga is still singing until Ranma whacks him on the head, and he falls into a little boneless ball.] Akane: Don't pick on my little P-chan... uh, I mean Ryouga! Ranma: (smirking)I'm not the _only_ one who calls him that, huh? Akane: Shut up. That's my fiancee you're talking about. [Ranma face-faults. Then, a _big_ light bulb appears overhead.] Ranma: Well, I have a date tonight anyway, so have fun. (he walks out. Genma follows.) [Outside, Genma is chewing Ranma up into little pieces and spitting him out.] Genma: WHADDYA MEAN BY THAT????!!! Ranma:(smug) I told the truth, that's all. [Ranma exits the house and heads for the Sazukimas' place.] [At the Sazukimas'...] *Ding, Dong!* Ai-Lin: (opening door) Ranma! Breakfast isn't enough? Plus the fact that you made me _kiss_ you... Ranma: And I'm very grateful. But I need another favor. Free for dinner? Ai-Lin: (sardonically) Who's paying. Ranma: I thought we might split it: 70-30! Ai-Lin: How 'bout 60-40... my favor. Ranma: O.K, O.K, 50-50. Ai-Lin: You've got a deal. Where to _this_ time? Ranma: Nekohanten? No... Ucchan's? Nonononono. Uh... Any suggestions? Ai-Lin: As a matter of fact... There's an Italian place down in Osaka... Ranma: Done. You lead the way. I'll meet you here at... uh... eight? Ai-Lin: How about seven? Ranma: Done. (starts to walk away, but mutters:)sixty-forty. Ai-Lin: (yelling after him) I _heard_ that! [Ranma starts running. Ai-Lin chases him to the corner and shakes her head.] [Back at the Tendos'... Ryouga's loading Akane's suitcase into a taxi. Soun is grabbing onto Akane's side. Genma-panda is kneeling at her feet, flashing signs to the effect of 'No, don't go!' Akane drags Soun to the door of the taxicab.] Akane: (patting him on the head) Bye, Daddy! [Akane shrugs off Soun and slams the door in his face. Ryouga hops in and so does Kosaime.] [The cab is heading to the Sazukima's, and passes Ranma on the way.] Kosaime: Wasn't that Ranma? Akane: (mad) Coming from _your_ house... [Later that night, Ranma once again rings the Sazukimss' doorbell. Ryouga comes to answer.] Ryouga: What do _you_ want? Ranma: Actually, I wanna kick your ass, but right now I'm here to pick up Ai-Lin. Ryouga: Sure. Whatever. (Yells)Ai-Lin, your date's here! Even if it _is_ the idiot Ranma! [Ranma flattens him. Ai-Lin comes out the door and steps on Ryouga.] Ai-Lin: I didn't know we had a welcome mat! [They make their way to Osaka.] [Entering the restaurant, who shoul be in the corner booth, but Nabiki and Kunou.] Nabiki: Kunou-baby, isn't it that _knave_ Ranma?Why, yes it is! And with another lady other than the beauteous Akane. [Kunou turns, and his turn red.] Kunou: Impudent knave! I shall smite thee for the travesties against Akane Tendo. And the pigtailed girl, of course! [With his bokken, he charges Ranma. Ai-Lin breaks the bokken by blocking.] Ranma: Thanks. Kunou: (dreamily) Such beauty... Such strength! What is thy name? Ai-Lin: (speechless)... Ranma: This can't be happening... (to Kunou) Sorry, but we've got a date. (to Ai-Lin) Let's get outta here! [They rush out of the restaurant. Kunou follows with the remains of his bokken in hand. Nabiki calmly pays the bill out of Kunou's wallet, which has been left behind, puts wallet in her pocket, and calmly stalks...] [In front of the Sazukima's door.] Ranma: *Pant!* *Pant!* Ai-Lin: *Pant!* *Pant!* Ryouga: You again?! I'll take care of you _now!_ [He steps outside. Suddenly, something comes falling from the skies. Ryouga catches it. It's Kodachi.] Kodachi: Damn! It didn't work! My Ranma-dear didn't catch me! Oooh, what a man... [Ryouga stands paralyzed, then throws Kodachi in the air and runs inside. Kodachi starts to drop,Kunou catches.] Kunou: Sister dear, did you happen to see that knave Saotome? Kodachi: No... (hops out of Kunou's arms) But I saw one _heck_ of a man! [Kodachi skips off dreamily. Kunou stands mortified.] Kunou: Does that mean cookies without cyanide? Or does it mean _more_ cyanide? (A cunning-wannabe look appears on his face.) Or does it mean I can kill Saotome? [Nabiki appears from somewhere.] Nabiki: So _this_ is the Sazukimas. Kunou-baby. You stepped out on our date! You want these pictures or what? Kunou: (eyes wide)How much? [The scene closes on this pitiful spectacle and moves to Ranma and Ai-Lin, still on the doorstep.] Ranma: O.K, guess the adventures over. [Gives Ai-Lin a quick peck on the cheek. Again. Ai-Lin is too tired to protest.] [The next morning, at the Sazukima breakfast table.] Akane: So where were _you_ last night? Ranma: (mouth stuffed)Don't ask. It's a _long_ story. [Kosaime wakes up and walks down the stairs. She yawns sleepily.] Kosaime: Ranma. Here again? [Ranma grins, stuffs his face, and gives a tiny little burp.] Ranma: (mouth full) 'Scuth me. [The next morning, at the Tendo table... Ai-Lin's there, but Soun and Genma don't notice: they are playing their infamous little game, and cheating at every turn.] Ranma: (to Ai-Lin) You gonna eat that? Ai-Lin: Help yourself. I'm not really that hungry. (whispers to Ranma)I don't like the way Nabiki's looking at me. [Ranma, mouth full, as usual, tries to talk. He almost chokes.] Ai-Lin: Swallow first, talk later. Nabiki: So what were _you_ two doing at that Italian restaurant last night? Ai-Lin:... Ranma: She treated me to breakfast, I treated her to dinner! Ai-Lin: (murmuring) Yeah, right. [Finds Ranma's arm over her shoulder and rolls her eyes. Nabiki continues to glare. Kasumi walks in and seats herself down, and begins to eat, daintily.] Nabiki: So what's this thing with you and Kunou? [Ranma and Ai-Lin face-fault.] Ranma: Which one of us? [Nabiki face-faults. Ai-Lin splashes Ranma with water.] Ai-Lin: (pointing) Her? Nabiki: Don't play stupid with me, missy! Ai-Lin: (teasingly)What, are you jealous? [Ranma-chan and Nabiki face-fault. There is a stunned silence as Nabiki does not answer but simply throws her napkin at Ai-Lin, gets up, and leaves. Ai-Lin and Ranma exchange a glance. Kunou falls from the sky.] Kunou: Ah, Pigtailed Goddess! And Mysterious Beauty Of The Night! [Ranma-chan and Ai-Lin face-fault. Kunou squeezes between them, putting his arm around both. There is a mysterious *POW!* and people witness a daytime shooting star, or in this case, a blue thunder, streaking across the sky, boneless.] Ranma-chan: (shuddering) Kunou scares me. Ai-Lin: He disgusts me. But I don't mind the name! [Ranma-chan slaps her own forehead with her palm.] Ai-Lin: Well, at least it's not Pigtailed One! Ranma-chan: (pouring hot water on himself) That's Pigtailed Godde... God to you! Ai-Lin: (tugging his pigtail) Whatever! [Ranma chases Ai-Lin out of the house. The sho-gi game finally finishes and Soun and Genma wake up to the situation.] Soun: Kasumi, where did everyone go? [At a nearby park, both Ranma and Ai-Lin rest in front of the centrsl fountain.] Ranma: *pant!* I could have *gasp!* caught you if it wasn't for *pant!* that stray cat... Ai-Lin: What? (cutie pie voice) Lil' furry wurry kitty witty scare ya? Ranma: (small voice) No... (grows up) It's just a cat... [A cat falls from the sky into Ranma's lap.] Ranma: AHHH!! Gosunkugi: anyone see my cat? Oh, it's you fool Saotome. would you like to gimme my cat back? Ranma: Helll... Hellpppp yoursellllfff... Ai-Lin: (picks up the cat off of Ranma and gives it to Gosunkugi) Her'ya go. Gosunkugi: Thank you. Goodbye, fool Ranma. (*poof!* the cat disappears) Oops. *POOF!* (voiceover) That's better. Ai-Lin: (to Ranma) Interesting experience, huh? Ranma: (in paralysis) ... [Ai-Lin splashes him with water and piggy-backs him to the Tendo dojo, where Soun and Genma have started another game of sho-gi. Ai-Lin puts Ranma down and pours hot water on him. He snaps out of paralysis, but he fakes that he's still in it.] Ai-Lin: Move. Ranma: (clenching teeth) I can't. Ai-Lin: Why not? Ranma: (mumbling)Ineedyoutokissme. Ai-Lin: What?! Ranma: (mumbling a little louder) Ineedyoutokissme. Ai-Lin: I heard you the _first_ time. Just rephrase the request! Ranma: (still mumbling) Ifyouheardmethefirsttime, Iwouldn'thavetorepeatmyself! Ai-Lin: What brought _this_ on? Ranma: I'm single, I've gotta flaunt it! Plus, it's for appearances sake! Ai-Lin: O.K, close your eyes. [Ranma does so. Ai-Lin steps on his face, lightly, and goes jogging off.] Ai-Lin: Bye! Ranma: (to himself) Damn! [At the Sazukimas'... Ai-Lin jogs in the door, upstairs, into her room, lies on the bed and stares at the ceiling.] Ai-Lin: (thinking) What just happened? Kosaime: (downstairs)Hmm... So Sis got herself into a jam, huh? Oh Akane! [Akane comes into the room.] Akane: What's up? Kosaime: Time for a little Mission Impossible... [Mission Impossible theme song comes up. For the next two days, Akane and Kosaime attempt to follow around Ai-Lin and Ranma. Unfortunately, this is not to be, for it is... a Mission Impossible!] [In those days, Ai-Lin and Ranma go through pretty much the same thing Akane and Ranma did: *Chase**Wham!**Run!* *Pant, pant!**Kiss, kiss!* (well, Akane and Ranma never went through _that!_)*Tug!**Insult!**Catch!**Meow?**ARGH!!!* throughout breakfast, lunch and dinner. Together, of course. Seems that Akane is a _little_ jealous of their relationship, as _they_ had never gotten along _that_ well! Maybe it wasn't destined to be...] Akane: (jealous, to herself) Hmph! Who cares about a hentaii baka like him _any_way! Kosaime: Apparently, you do. Akane:(grudgingly) Oh, shut up. Ryouga: (still dreamily)We'll be so... happy together... (snuggles to Akane who reluctantly responds in turn, Ryouga does not notice her reluctance ) [In _a_ park... Ai-Lin and Ranma are sitting quite peacefully, Ranma eating fastfood, Ai-Lin picking at it... Ranma slapping her hand away lightly and Ai-Lin would snatch something eventually... this contest goes on for a while until Ranma decides to eat the whole bag... literally.] Ai-Lin: RANMA!! You can be such a pig sometimes!! (murmurs) P-kun... Ranma: (swallows, light burp) Pardon me... I am no pig, I'm a growing... Ai-Lin: Aquatransexual? Ranma: That's it!! No more holding back!! This time you've gone too far!! Ai-Lin: So has your belt line. [The chase begins...run, run, run... urk!... Ranma gets hit by an unidentified flying bucket of water, Ai-Lin stops, looks back, laughs.] Ai-Lin: The cursed life isn't doing much for you, is it? Ranma-chan: Aw... shuddup!! Ai-Lin: It wasn't an insult!! Let's go find you some hot water. [Ranma and Ai-Lin find that the nearest place for hot water was Dr.Tofu's office, and so head there way there. Unsuspectingly, they are being followed by a recognizable midget ninja.] Sasuke: Hmm... (pulls out a walkie-talkie) Midget Ninja to Blue Thunder, come in. Over. Kunou: (voiceover) Did you find them Sasuke? Sasuke: But, of course Master Kunou. They are at a little clinic here in Nerima run by a Dr.Tofu. Kunou: (voiceover) I know where it is... (flashback to past defeats) Make haste, Sasuke. Be sure not to let either of them leave the premises. Sasuke: Yes sir... Kunou: (voiceover) Blue Thunder out. Sasuke: (quietly) Good, then I'll have some help for a change... [In the clinic, Dr.Tofu greets Ranma-chan.] Ranma-chan: Hi Dr.Tofu. Tofu: Need some hot water? You know where to find it. [Ranma starts to go for the water until Dr.Tofu stops him.] Tofu: How are you and Akane doing? Ranma: (shrugs Dr.Tofu off) Non-existent. Come on Ai-Lin. Ai-Lin: (waves to Dr.Tofu) Bye. [Eventually, Ranma gets his hot water and he and Ai-Lin begin to leave; In the entrance way, who should it be but the recently arriving Kunou.] Kunou: Salutations, Mystery Beauty of the Night. (notices Ranma) And knave Saotome. Ranma: (harshly) What do you want Kunou? Kunou: Certainly not you... (pushes Ranma aside and stand beside Ai-Lin) Beloved Beauty,... (alas, Kunou is at a lose for words) Are you free for dinner? Ai-Lin: (glances at Ranma) ... Ranma: NO, she isn't. (starts to lead Kunou away) Sorry, bud, but we're busy. (*POW!*) Toodles!! Ai-Lin: He's weird. Ranma: (gives Ai-Lin a 'no... really?!' look, she counters with an 'Ok,Ok' look) Where are we going now? (suddenly appearing by her side) Ai-Lin: Is this whole fiasco even close to getting you and Akane back together? Ranma: Maybe, maybe not... Either way I get free meals. Ai-Lin: (hits Ranma at the back of his head) Baka... I'm wondering... What do you think Shampoo and Ukyou are up to? Ranma: Up to?! Ai-Lin: This 'appearances' thing has been going on... for what? A week, and neither of us was attacked. Ranma: Yeah...Oof! [Ranma's head collided with an unidentified flying bicycle... now we can identify it as Shampoo with her delivery of Ramen] Shampoo: What you do under Shampoo bike, Ranma? Ai-Lin: (caustiously removes the bike from Ranma's head) You should be more careful on where your going, Miss. Shampoo: Ranma, who's this? Ranma: She's my... (Ai-Lin glares) I mean, she's a friend. Ai-Lin (points to Ai-Lin, then points to Shampoo) Shampoo... and viceversa. Ai-Lin: (whispers to Ranma) _This_ is Shampoo?! Ranma: (whispers back) Yep. Shampoo: Ranma want have lunch at Shampoo's? Ranma:Sure... come on Ai-Lin. (grabs Ai-Lin's arm as he runs ike a speeding bullet to the Nekohantan) Shampoo: (to herself) Shampoo no invite Ranma friend. Hmph. [At the Nekohantan, who should be there but Akane and Kosaime in a corner booth. Ai-Lin tugs Ranma's arm.] Ai-Lin: I'm not going in there. Ranma: What?! Why not? Ai-Lin: (signals corner table) Because I want to live until forty. Ranma: Don't worry... what can they do to us? Ai-Lin: (glares) Lots. [Ai-Lin and Ranma order, apparently so do Kosaime and Akane... we follow Mousse into the kitchen where Cologne is cooking and gives her the orders. Cologne passes the food to Mousse.] Mousse: Thanks. (but, Mousse and his eyes, trying to do the simplest thing like put cyanide into soup, he can't do, trouble: for he picks up nothing but Passion spice and puts it on all of the dishes) [Mousse serves the orders to the 4 combatants] Akane: Mousse, you gave me the wrong order. Ranma: Me too. [Akane and Ranma notice that the other has their rightful food, Akane snatches hers, Ranma snatches his.] Akane: Hmph. Ranma: (returns to eat with Ai-Lin) The nerve... (watches Ai-Lin take a sip of tea) Can I have a bite or two? Ai-Lin: No. Ranma: (points at her beef) Just a bite of beef to go with some of this rice... (points at his rice bowl which was from Akane) Please? (puppy dog eyes) Ai-Lin: Okay, Okay. (pushes her bowl to Ranma) One bite. (Ranma takes some beef in one hand rice in the other and scarfs it. He looks up at Ai-Lin dreamily) What's with the look? Ranma, why are you looking at me funny? Ranma: Ai-Lin, (looks dazed) I love you. Ai-Lin: What was in that food?! Ranma: (turns sees Akane, suddenly turns up by her side) Akane, I love you. Akane: What?! Ai-Lin: (pulls Ranma back to their table) Sit. (inspects food) *sniff!* *sniff!* Uh-oh. Ranma: What is it my darling? Ai-Lin: Lay off the 'darlings'. AKANE!! (Akane comes) We have a problem... Akane: Do we ever!! Ai-Lin: Did you eat anything? Akane: Not yet, why? Ai-Lin: I hate to scare you,but all our food was infested by Passion spice... Akane: Uh-oh. Ai-Lin: What 'uh-oh'? Akane: Kosaime all ready started eating... [They all turn to see Kosaime dreamily gazing at Mousse, they turn back to see a lovesick Ranma.] Akane: COLOGNE!!! [Cologne hops out of the kitchen.] Cologne: There is no need to hollar, Akane. Akane: Yes, there is!! Mousse botched up. We all (gesturing the four of them) got passion spice on our food... Ai-Lin: Worse than that, Ranma's in love with the two A's... Cologne: Come again? Ai-Lin: Ai-Lin Sazukima. That's my sister over there gazing at Mousse... another effect of Mousse's screw up. Akane: Cologne, tell me there's an antidote? Ai-Lin: Tell me there's more passion spice. Everyone: WHAT?! Ai-Lin: Ranma's in love with Akane, and all Akane needs is for... (Ai-Lin takes Ranma hand, makes him hold his rice bowl and makes his hand hand it to Akane) Here you go. Eat. *POW!* Ai-Lin: (half grounded into the floor, looks up at Cologne) Let Akane pay for the damages. Ranma: *sigh!* The two loves of my life... *sigh!* Akane: Snap out of it, Romeo!! (analyzes last words)Uh-oh. Ranma: Of course I'll be your Romeo!! (begins to chase Akane) Akane: Than kill yourself all ready!! Ranma: You can't really mean that!! I LOVE YOU AKANE!! (though Akane likes the sound of this, she tries to run from Ranma’s clutches) [Soun and Genma burst in with a preacher and drag Akane to the altar which has majestically appeared.] Akane: Nonononononononononono... [Ryouga bursts in. Ranma is arm-locked with a squirming Akane and Ai-Lin comes to calm Ryouga down, for he is redder than the fires of Hell. Mousse finds himself arm-locked with Kosaime in fornt of the altar.] Ranma: (looks from Ai-Lin to Akane) Is bigamy legal? Ai-Lin and Akane: NO! Ryouga: Choose Ai-Lin, you fool!! [Kunou burst in. Everyone realizes this will be a long night. Ryouga gets a bright idea. He turns Kunou's head away and splashes Ranma... Ranma eventually finds himself... uh-hem... herself in Kunou's arms.] Ranma-chan: SAVE ME!! Ai-Lin: Ryouga, I hopeyou had good reason to do that. Ryouga: 'Like, duh!' He was going to marry my fiancee!! (bright idea, goes armlocked with Akane) Hey, preacher, marry us or die. Soun & Genma: NO!! Preacher: Do you Akane take... Kunou & Ranma: NO!! Ai-Lin: Kunou, could you put hi... her down for a sec. Kunou: Your wish is my command, for that reality of it, I must smit the _pig_ who is to marry _my_ Akane. Ai-Lin: Ranma, come here. (she does so, pours hot water on him) Ranma: I am so grateful... (holds Ai-Lin close) To show my gratitude... Ai-Lin: I do not like where this is going... (breaks away) Go... Akane's going to get married to someone or other and all the 'appearances' would be for nothing. Ranma: But, I want to marry you, _too_. (puppy dog eyes) Ai-Lin: It won't work this time... (Ranma looks even more pitiful) (to herself) I won't be a sap... I won't give in... I won't... Ranma: Okay, I'll go _save_ Akane... as always. *kiss!* Toodles!! Ai-Lin: Sheesh... why me?! [Ranma walks up to Ryouga who is about to say 'I do' and knocks him unconsious, grabs Akane, and runs back for Ai-Lin. Grabbing a daft preacher a long for the ride.] Ranma: I don't care if bigemy isn't legal! I'll say I'm mormon!! Ai-Lin: Nonononononnono... Akane: That's my line!! Nonononononono... Far off voice: (maniac laughter) Hohohohohohhoho... Everyone: Nononononono!! Shampoo: (entering) Bye,bye Nekohantan. Everyone going to destroy Shampoo's work... (cat's hissing) [Ukyou enter] Ukyou: Oh, the whole gang... (reality check) Chaos... Ranma-honey! Ranma: Later!! (to the preacher) I do. Ukyou, Shampoo, Akane, Kodachi (who flies in with her velvet cape and tornado of rose petals) and Ai-Lin: Nonononononono [Kasumi enters] Kasumi: That line's getting very popular... you could here it all over Nerima!! [Nabiki enters] Nabiki: BETS HERE!! Will Ranma marry Ai-Lin? Akane? Sham... Dad? Soun: 5,000 yen on Akane. Nabiki: That's a risky investment, Dad. But hey, who am I to argue... None of this is out of my allowance, is it? [Back to the altar... Ranma's getting his head bashed in by everyone except the good hearted Ai-Lin and Kasumi... or the sponging Nabiki... Ai-Lin comes to the rescue and sneaks him out the chaotic ball of havoc and takes him to Dr.Tofu's, for it was highly recommended in the state Ranma was in ] Dr. Tofu: Ranma? What happened to you? Did Akane get you again? Ai-Lin: (brightly) Akane wasn't the only one! Ranma: (quietly, to himself)Ai-Lin, I love you. Ai-Lin: (grumbling) I heard that. Please, lay off it! Dr.Tofu: Hmm... Uh, give me a few minutes, I have another patient. [Dr. Tofu leaves the room and enters another. Dr. Tofu comes back and escorts out a battered, patched Kunou. He re-enters the room where Ranma and Ai-Lin are.] Dr.Tofu: (examining Ranma) This might take a while. [At the Nekohanten... Chaos reigns.] Nabiki: People, people. We have a problem. A financial one. Ranma's not here. [The chaotic ball stops tumbling. The battered fighters get up, and realize that the center of the ball is missing.] Soun: (to Genma) We must find him and unite our families! Genma: Yes, Tendo. It is essential! [Happosai enters.] Happosai: Anyone home? (he sees Akane) Oh! Sweetums! *YAAAH!!* *POW!!* Akane: Hmph. Hentaii! Where's Ryouga? (finds a little boneless ball with a bandanna) _There_ you are! Kasumi: I think everyone will have to go to Dr. Tofu's office. Everyone: NO!! Nabiki: Um... no, not _everyone,_ Kasumi! Why don't you... uh... cook dinner! Kasumi: (brightly) Oh, all right. [Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.] *Sigh!* [At Dr. Tofu's, we see an almost fully bandaged Ranma, sucking up to Ai-Lin. Ai-Lin takes it the most whole-hearted way she can-- not hitting 'im. No matter how much she wants to.] Ranma: Marry me, please? Ai-Lin: No. Ranma: Pretty please? With a cherry on top? Ai-Lin: Sorry, but I wouldn't want a cherry on top of my head at a wedding. Ranma: Hmph. Oh, c'mon, why not? Ai-Lin: Because you're under the influence of Passion Spice, baka! Ranma: So? I'll get used to it! Ai-Lin: (muttering to herself) That's what I'm afraid of. Ranma: Oh... c'mon... (puppy dog eyes, Ai-Lin's strict face softens, Ranma smiles) Ai-Lin: We have to find a cure... FAST!! Dr. Tofu: Find a cure for what, Ai-Lin? Ai-Lin: Can't you tell? Dr. Tofu: Tell what? Oh! Kasumi! How nice to see you here of all places! What a coincidence! Kasumi: Oh, hello, Dr. Tofu. I was looking for Ranma. Dr. Tofu: I haven't seen a Ranma. Have you Betty? [He turns to the skeleton.] Kasumi: (murmuring) What a character! Ai-Lin: (pulling a straitjacket out of hammerspace) Can you say crazy? Can you say lovesick? Ranma: Yes! Ai-Lin: (grumbling) Not _you,_ baka! [Ai-Lin slaps the straitjacket on Dr.Tofu, who is still mumbling to Betty. She turns to Kasumi.] Ai-Lin: Kasumi-oneechan, would you happen to have a cure for Passion Spice? _Please?_ Kasumi: Maybe. But you two make _such_ a _cute_ couple! [Ranma puts his arm around Ai-Lin.] Ranma: (smugly) I know. Ai-Lin: Grrr... I don't care how cute a couple we make, just get this idiot away from me! Ranma: (puppy-dog eyes) You don't mean that, do you? Ai-Lin: I'm not being mean, I'm just getting annoyed! [Ai-Lin grabs a wheelchair, shoves Ranma into it and wheels him outta there, Kasumi walking alongside. When they reach the Tendo Dojo, unfortunately, they are unknowing that everyone is waiting in ambush. Ai-Lin sorta catches on and makes Kasumi go in first.] Ai-Lin: The poor, sweet girl. She doesn't deserve a fate like that. But if she won't give us the cure, than maybe she _does_ deserve it... [Kasumi sees everyone waiting in ambush and about to jump her.] Kasumi: (throwing her hands up in the air.) EEEEEK! Everyone: Oh. It's you, Kasumi. [They clear the path, and when their backs are turned, Ai-Lin sneaks Ranma in. They enter the kitchen.] Ai-Lin: Honestly, Ranma, I don't know _why_ I do this for you. Ranma: (hopefully) Because you love me? Ai-Lin: I wouldn't go _that_ far! I... uh... care about your welfare! For Akane's sake. Yeah. Ranma: Uh-_huh!_ Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. [Kasumi pulls out some herbs and spices.] Kasumi: Hmm... what should I season this on? Hot food? Maybe even sushi. Ai-Lin: Just get it ready. Fast. Ranma: (armlocked with Ai-Lin) Don't hurry... Ai-Lin: I'm coming this close to hitting you... (gestures a millimeter) Ranma: (puppy dog eyes) You don't mean that, do you? Ai-Lin: YES, I DO!! Ranma: (false smile) Ah... heh... heh... [About half an hour later, Kasumi has put a dish before Ranma. Ranma, being himself, doesn't resist. Nothing happens for about... five minutes. Then... Ranma snaps into reality! Surprisingly (or rather, horrifyingly) he remembers every event that happened under the influence of Passion Spice.] Kasumi: I have to clean the kitchen, now! You two can go get along well now! Bye! [Ranma and Ai-Lin sneak out the back way. In an empty street in Nerima, Ranma finds himself in some discomfort.] Ranma: Uh... Ai-Lin? Ai-Lin: (grumpily) What. Ranma: You're not mad, are you? Ai-Lin: (honey-sweet voice) You tried to get me to marry you, you kept on trying to kiss me, and you really _meant_ it this time, and you generally made my life miserable. Why should I be mad? Ranma: (relieved) Oh, good. [Ai-Lin pats Ranma on the head.] Ai-Lin: Ranma, you are the stupidest person I have ever met in my life. With the exception of Kunou. Ranma: (thinking) Should I take that as an insult or a compliment? Ai-Lin: (reading his mind) Ranma, take it as you want it. Ranma: (looking baffled) Wait! How did you...? Never mind. I don't wanna know. [And, of course, who should be coming down the street, but Akane, with her latest fiancee, and Kosaime, with a glasses-less Mousse wrapped around one arm.] Mousse: Shampoo, where are we going? Kosaime: Don't worry about a thing. I'll take care of it. [Mousse smiles at this remark. Akane sees Ranma. Ranma shudders. Ai-Lin's eyes grow to the size of bowling balls, and her smile even bigger, for she is amazed at how her sister can manipulate someone so, without feeling guilty at all.] Ai-Lin: (to Kosaime) Aren't you taking this Passion Spice thing a little too far? (to Mousse) You want the antidote? Mousse: Antidote to what? [Ai-Lin slaps her own forehead. Meanwhile, Ranma is nervously glaring into the skies.] Ryouga: (to Ranma) If you ever, _ever_ pull a stunt like that again, it'll be hazardous to your health! Ranma: And the last one wasn't? (showing off his bandages) It wasn't _my_ fault! Blame Mousse! Mousse: Huh? Wha'd I do? [Everyone face-faults, save for Kosaime who has a humongous grin on her face.] Kosaime: Please don't tell him! Ai-Lin: (calmly asking Mousse) Who is that arm-locked with you? Mousse: (brightly) My fiancee! Of course! [Everyone face-faults again. Save Kosaime and Mousse, of course.] Ai-Lin: Since when have you been dating my _sister,_ Mousse? Mousse: (confused) Since when has Shampoo been your sister!? Ranma: Put on your glasses! (he slides them off of Mousse's hair onto his face) Kosaime: NOOOO!! [Mousse fidgets with his glasses for a while, then turns to look at the person on his arm.] Mousse: Nope. Not Shampoo. (revalation hits) GET OFF OF ME!! Please? Kosaime: Mousse-dear, you don't really mean that, do you? Ai-Lin: She's starting to sound like you, Ranma! Akane: (shuddering) Oooh. Scary. Ranma: (turning puppy-dog eyes on Akane) You really don't mean that, do you? Akane: (disgusted) Oh, please. It's not as if I'm jealous or anything! Ai-Lin: Oh, goodee. She's the one bringing up the subject of jealousy this time! [Akane face-faults. Ryouga 'grrrrs.'] Ranma: (sweetly) Have a problem, P-chan? [Ryouga 'grrrrs' some more.] [Kunou appears. Kneels and kisses Ai-Lin's hand.] Ai-Lin: As if I didn't have enough problems!! Ranma: Back off Kunou!! Akane: Look who's jealous now?! Ranma: Kawaiikune!! Akane: Hentai!! Mousse: Let go!! Kosaime: NO!! [Kodachi drops from the sky into Ryouga's arms.] Kodachi: (cunningly) I feel faint... (closes in on Ryouga's lips, Ryouga stands in paralysis) Kunou: Both Akane and my sister!! You wrench!! (attacks Ryouga) Soun & Genma: (appear at the side lines) KILL 'IM!! Ukyou: (walks in on the scene, Kunou and Ryouga are hitting it out and Ranma and Akane are screaming at each other) (to Ai-Lin) What's up? Ai-Lin: Hell. [Ukyou's eyes widen, Akane and Ranma approach Ai-Lin.] Akane: YOU TOLD HIM I WAS JEALOUS!! Ai-Lin: NONONONONO!! [A memorable bike lands on Ukyou for a change.] Ukyou: Shampoo!! Are you getting as blind as Mousse or what?! The pavements down there!! [Shampoo and Ukyou hit it off, literally... Soon everyone's having an argument... Ranma/Akane/Ai-Lin; Kunou/Ryouga; Cologne (recently entering)/Genma/Soun; Happosai goes skipping by...; Kodachi and Ryouga (on the side); Mousse and Kosaime... Nabiki and Kasumi sit as spectators.] Nabiki: Just another _normal_ day gone by... *sigh!* Kasumi: Dr. Tofu will be busy for the next few days... Nabiki: (glancing at Ranma and akane go head on with a gazing Ai-Lin) I think everything will be just fine... (thinking) If this goes on... the amount of bets... the amount of money... *Cha-ching!!* -----The End----- ============================================== Author's note This fanfic is the most realistic, for teh chaotic ending in Ranma 1/2 is no big surprise, is it? I mean I had to have one fanfic that keeps people hanging! Make up your own ending, if you like. Janelle 'Akane Tendo' Thompson P.S. Sorry _Ranko._ ==============================================